131,040 minutes. Try singing that to the tune of “525,600 Minutes.” I have now given everyone their “ear worm” for the day.
Sometimes when I sit down to write, nothing comes to me. This morning all I could do was stare out the window and breathe, wondering just how in the world 92 days had passed since I packed up a box of files and personal items and drove away from my office to begin working remotely the next morning.
Time may appear to move ahead at a steady, fixed pace but in reality we all understand that time – or at least our perception of time – is relative. I suppose Einstein would say that time itself is relative. Whichever you believe, it stands out with stark clarity to me that there are moments that seem like years and vice versa.
I think about how much happens to me in a single minute – 60 seconds. Frankly, a lot happens in my mind every second. Multiply that by my time in isolation and you find that the number becomes 7,862,400 seconds. As I sit here, there is a clock in the kitchen that ticks rather loudly for each second. It’s hard to believe that little thing hanging on the wall has made that clicking sound nearly 8 million times since I first came home to this quarantine/sparkling isolation – and I haven’t had to change the battery yet.
Clearly, the claims of the Energizer bunny are true.
I only wish there were some kind of Energizer bunny product for my brain – or at least for the parts of my brain that govern optimism. I try to remain positive. I focus everyday on gratitude. I make conscious efforts to do things that remind me of all the things in my life that are positive. As I sit here, I could type for an hour just looking around my kitchen about things that bring me joy and for which I am grateful.
The issues are not about things but are all about direction.
Where are I going? I mean that in the larger metaphysical sense. As the seconds tick by and the 91 days turns into 92 with no real end in sight, I cannot stop thinking about my life and what I want to do as this pandemic abates eventually. Yesterday I quoted an article that said, “When nothing is certain, everything is possible.”
OK. I accept that. So now what?
As the seconds tick by, I find myself wondering just what possibilities are there ahead of me. I cannot keep doing things “as I’ve always done them.” That is draining me lately. I have to find new ways to function in the world – either in my current situation or by creating a new situation.
Today, I am struggling like a tug-of-war game between the optimistic side of my brain and the pessimistic side of my brain. It’s rather exhausting, to be honest. There are moment where I just want to give up.
Then again, maybe that’s the answer. Surrender. If I stop fighting, maybe the answers will come to me. I am reminded of that Biblical story of Elijah (1 Kings 19) when the voice of God came not in the wind, earthquake or fire but in a “still small voice.” I cannot ignore the noise entirely, but I can wait for it to pass enough that the subtle messages – the still small voices – can finally whisper through to me.
So – I wait as the seconds keep on ticking by.
It’s only Quarantine if it comes from the Quarante province of France. Otherwise, it’s just Sparkling Isolation.