À votre santé!
During this quarantine I imagine many of us are having a fascinating relationship with alcohol. For me, surprisingly, I have been fairly good about not over-drinking. Well, most of the time. Tonight, I had one of my rare moments of binge drinking.
I rarely over drink – if for no reason just to avoid the hangover. Tonight, I had one of those moments where I passed cocktail #2 and realized that at a certain point I just lose the ability to say “no” to my own internal voice that tells me to stop drinking.
As I type this, I have finished cocktail #3 and I’m seriously considering a fourth.
So here’s the point of tonight post. In quarantine, being totally alone in my apartment with nobody else to bounce ideas off of, I find myself in a hard situation. Things are horrible in the world right now. Here in Berwyn (a Western suburb of Chicago) we just got this communication from the mayor:
Due to the ongoing acts of violence, theft and property damage in our area, the City of Berwyn will remain under a curfew between the hours of 8:00PM and 5:00AM each day until further notice.
That sent me into a tailspin. I have already been struggling with feeling isolated for the past 11 weeks. Now, as things are supposed to be opening up, we are now in a space where things cannot open up and I am not only quarantining, I am trapped. Totally trapped.
I am sure there are people out there who will judge me for focusing on myself now instead of posting about all of the injustice of the world. I am sure some people with think that I “should” be focusing on other things and not on my personal feelings right now.
Well, too bad. This blog is about me. It’s about my personal struggles during this quarantine. And my personal struggle today is all about dealing with my own sense of being stuck, being trapped. I cannot change the world – nor can I change systemic racism on our country. I can only deal with my own life – day to day.
Yes, I know there are horrible things going on around me. But for me, I am struggling with the idea of focusing on something positive. I cannot permit myself to get sucked into the tailspin of negativity and despair that seems to be overwhelming so many of my friends. I am not avoiding reality, but I am also not allowing myself to get sucked into the news. There are plenty of places to get the news, so for me it’s important to find things that can still bring a sense of something positive.
No matter what bad things are happening in the world, there are always things to focus on that bring a sense of positivity. You just have to look harder sometimes.
During my quarantine, I have been watching a number of things both online and on DVD. Lately, I have been binge watching my DVDs of the “Mary Tyler Moore Show.” Tonight, I watched an episode from the final season (season 7) titled “Ted’s Change of Heart.” I find so much to love about this episode, but it’s the final moments that really spoke to me.
If you want to watch the entire episode, it’s here and it’s an amazing moment of TV history. But if you want the moment that I think is particularly iconic, slide on over to 21:50 and watch the final scene.
À la vôtre!
It’s only Quarantine if it comes from the Quarante province of France. Otherwise, it’s just Sparkling Isolation.