Insult to injury.
The journey on this “Coronacoaster” continues to be an exhausting one. My mood has been definitely on a downward spin for the past few days and the only thing that was helping me stay centered was an intentional disconnection from nearly everything.
I stopped checking the news, minimized my time on all social media channels, canceled all video calls, and basically went into hibernation. I was feeling better – at least a little better – until I woke up this morning.
I have no idea what I did, but I somehow did something to my lower back and an old injury has flared back up again. Badly. There were moments today when the pain was so intense that I felt nauseous. I have tried pain killers, Icy Hot, hot bath, cold packs alternating with a heating pad, and even some time laying on the floor with my legs elevated – all trying to stop the pain and stop the spasms.
It’s been years since I felt anything close to this level of pain from my back. I had forgotten just how awful chronic pain can be. I felt like a 100-year-old man shuffling around my apartment today, slightly stopped over and barely lifting my feet for fear of creating painful spasms.
After hours of experimentation, I finally found a configuration of how to sit in my favorite chair with an extra pillow behind me for support. It’s not super comfortable in general, but it is the first time today (as I sit here typing this) that I have been able to sit still without feeling the pain.
I have always believed that pain occurs partially to give me messages. If something flares up at this high a level, then my personal spiritual belief is that the Universe is trying to tell me something and it’s shouting at me. I also believe that whatever the messages may be, they have been coming to me for some time and I was ignoring them. That’s the reason the volume got turned up so loudly.
So now, in addition to all the disempowerment I have been feeling because of this quarantine and everything else going on around me, I am faced with the task of trying to deconstruct just what I am supposed to be learning from this massive flare up of lower back pain.
I don’t have any clear answers yet, but I do know that I have to find a way to reduce the pain. It is still occasionally so bad that I get sick to my stomach from it, and that’s no way to spend the last two days of my staycation.
So tonight, after typing this, I am going to rest on the floor with my feet elevated in order to relax the back spasms – and I am going to do my level best to get calm and try to figure out just what the Universe is trying to tell me right now.
It’s only Quarantine if it comes from the Quarante province of France. Otherwise, it’s just Sparkling Isolation.