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Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 67

May 23, 2020 //  by Tommy Hensel//  Leave a Comment

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What’s the point?

Some days are better than others. Conversely, some are worse. Yesterday was a particularly bad one for me, and today is only slightly better. I am at the beginning of a ten-day vacation – or more accurately a “staycation” since there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do.

I should be feeling great about some time to just focus on myself and not worry about work. Not so fast. At 4:30 p.m. the day before the beginning of what is laughingly called a vacation, my supervisor called to tell me I need to create an important document that he absolutely must have on Tuesday. Oh, lucky me. I get to work on a tedious work-related project over the Memorial Day weekend while I am supposed to be on vacation.

The nature of the project is all about plans for coming back to work. I found myself, while trying to work on it, asking myself, “What’s the point?” I mean, if we are all going to eventually get furloughed or – worse – deemed as non-essential and let go – then what’s the point of spending endless hours creating plans for a phased re-entry?

Why waste my time coming up with detailed and highly-specific plans for how to welcome audiences back into my theater if my workplace is just going to eventually tell me to cancel everything and hand me a pink slip? I realize this is only one possibility, but in my current depressive state my negativity bias is strong and I have spiraled into the worst case scenario.

Add that to all of the other issues of navigating this bizarre world, and it’s a poisonous cocktail of negativity and gloom.

I generally try to find opportunity in crisis. I work hard to find ways to remain grateful in the midst of difficult times. I am sure I will find my way out of this, but for today I am miserable, lonely, and feeling rather helpless.

Just to add insult to injury, here’s a charming truth about being a single person quarantining alone. The suburbs are finally opening up a little. Restaurants can start having outdoor seating as soon as next Friday. My first thought was, “Yay! I am so happy.” Then I went online and tried to make a reservation.

Nope.

No tables for one. On one level, I understand that they need to monetize the minimal space they have, so why waste a two-top on a single diner? I get that logically, but emotionally it feels like a huge slap in the face. Once again, I feel like I am being punished because I am single. So after 10 weeks of utter isolation, things are opening up, and I get to stay home and watch others have a great time while I am miserable and lonely.

Yes, I realize that this post is depressing and most people will stop reading before they even get this far. Too bad. I promised to be open, raw, and honest and today kind of sucks. That’s an honest statement.

Will I survive? Of course. Am I suicidal? Of course not. Am I lonely? Absolutely. Do I have hope? Only a tiny glimmer, but at least there’s a glimmer.

So today, the isolation is not sparkling at all. Today it is dull and depressing.

It’s only Quarantine if it comes from the Quarante province of France. Otherwise, it’s just Sparkling Isolation.

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Category: ThoughtsTag: Sparkling Isolation

About Tommy Hensel

Tommy Hensel is the Director of the Fine and Performing Arts Center at Moraine Valley Community College (www.morainevalley.edu/fpac), a position he has held since January 2008. A native of Columbia, South Carolina, he has worked for more than 35 years as a professional actor, singer, stage manager, director, and arts presenter. He holds a B.A. in music and a B.A. in communication from Florida State University and an M.A. in theater from the University of South Carolina. He currently serves as Chair of the Illinois Presenters Network and is a board member of NAPAMA. He served as co-chair of the 2018 Arts Midwest Conference and currently sits on the professional development committees of both NAPAMA and Arts Midwest.

Prior to his move to Chicago, Tommy was an 11-year resident of the Seacoast region of New Hampshire where he served as Executive Director of the Rochester Opera House and sat on several non-profit arts boards. He has served on grant review panels for the New England Foundation for the Arts, New Hampshire Arts Council, Vermont Arts Council, and Illinois Arts Council. During his years as an arts presenter, he has also served on the juried showcase panels for the Arts Midwest Conference and Performing Arts Exchange.

Among his many theater credits, Hensel was the founding artistic director of the Harrisburg Shakespeare Festival (now part of the Gamut Theatre Group in PA). He has over 50 professional directing credits to his name and an extensive resumé as a theatrical performer and cabaret singer. In Chicago, he has a side "gig" as a restaurant reviewer for The Local Tourist website (http://chicago.thelocaltourist.com) and blogs about travel and food at https://www.tableforoneplease.com.

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