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Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 66

May 22, 2020 //  by Tommy Hensel//  Leave a Comment

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Prep, cook, eat, clean, repeat.

I mentioned this yesterday, but I honestly do feel like I am in some weird dystopian remake of the movie “Groundhog Day.” My apartment is not small, but at 66 days into being isolated alone in that space everything I do feels like a repetition.

Up until today, I have been actively working remotely. Today I start to use up some accrued vacation time that has to be used before June 30 or I lose it. I am not complaining, and I am not missing the things associated with my job right now, but the lack of that focus on work is making me turn my focus more than before to myself and my physical environment.

Way back in Sparkling Isolation – Day 10 I wrote about the concept of ennui. I revisited that concept in Sparkling Isolation – Day 39. Well, it’s back. A more accurate version of today’s post title should be “Prep, cook, eat, clean, explore the outer boundaries of ennui, repeat”.

I have become totally obsessed with food – purchasing, prepping, preparing, plating, photographing, eating, cleaning up, posting the photos on social media, then beginning to think about the next meal or the next cooking project. My freezer is fuller than it’s ever been and I have more to freeze today. Basically, I think about food nearly every waking moment when I am not dealing with my job.

Well, with one exception which is my exploration of ennui.

The tedious repetition of activities coupled with the tedious repetition of physical movement through my apartment has created a sense of pointlessness in my life. Everything feels like it’s just not important any longer. I frequently find myself thinking, “What’s the point? Why should I even bother trying to finish this project? Who cares?”

I know I have mentioned this before in multiple posts, but I think my obsession with food is because it’s one of the few things I can control. For a brief shining moment in the course of creating a meal I can feel totally engaged and creative. Once it’s all done, however, I am back to ennui. It is even becoming more of an effort to plate my food attractively – one of the few things that I have maintained as a more-or-less strict focus. As long as I can keep at least one thing beautiful and special, I won’t feel totally hopeless.

Friends have told me that I should use this time to catch up on shows that I have never seen or haven’t watched in a long time. It’s no use. I gave up binge watching Netflix and Amazon Prime weeks ago. Nothing could hold my attention long enough for me to become engaged, so it was easier to just stop entirely. I have finally started reading books again, but even that seems to have lost its previous luster for me. As an avid reader, that’s a depressing thought.

So at the moment it’s all about food. At least I know I have nearly total control over this one, small part of my life. Now that I’m between meals, however, it’s time for a visit to the world of ennui for a while. I’ll leave you with a humorous cartoon about the subject:

Sigh.

It’s only Quarantine if it comes from the Quarante province of France. Otherwise, it’s just Sparkling Isolation.

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Category: ThoughtsTag: Sparkling Isolation

About Tommy Hensel

Tommy Hensel is the Director of the Fine and Performing Arts Center at Moraine Valley Community College (www.morainevalley.edu/fpac), a position he has held since January 2008. A native of Columbia, South Carolina, he has worked for more than 35 years as a professional actor, singer, stage manager, director, and arts presenter. He holds a B.A. in music and a B.A. in communication from Florida State University and an M.A. in theater from the University of South Carolina. He currently serves as Chair of the Illinois Presenters Network and is a board member of NAPAMA. He served as co-chair of the 2018 Arts Midwest Conference and currently sits on the professional development committees of both NAPAMA and Arts Midwest.

Prior to his move to Chicago, Tommy was an 11-year resident of the Seacoast region of New Hampshire where he served as Executive Director of the Rochester Opera House and sat on several non-profit arts boards. He has served on grant review panels for the New England Foundation for the Arts, New Hampshire Arts Council, Vermont Arts Council, and Illinois Arts Council. During his years as an arts presenter, he has also served on the juried showcase panels for the Arts Midwest Conference and Performing Arts Exchange.

Among his many theater credits, Hensel was the founding artistic director of the Harrisburg Shakespeare Festival (now part of the Gamut Theatre Group in PA). He has over 50 professional directing credits to his name and an extensive resumé as a theatrical performer and cabaret singer. In Chicago, he has a side "gig" as a restaurant reviewer for The Local Tourist website (http://chicago.thelocaltourist.com) and blogs about travel and food at https://www.tableforoneplease.com.

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