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Sparkling Isolation – Day 39

April 25, 2020 //  by Tommy Hensel//  Leave a Comment

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April showers.

Today has been a cold, wet, rather gloomy day. In the past, during spring months when the weather can be so changeable and so often dismal like this, I have been able to cheer myself up through social connections – going out to the gym for a great workout, visiting the Art Institute of Chicago, heading to my favorite bar to chat with a favorite mixologist and have some excellent cocktails, moving on to a fantastic restaurant and treating myself to something special.

Obviously, none of that happened today. Instead, I am sitting here alone – still – for my 39th day of pondering how to navigate this isolation. This really isn’t a complaint about the weather. I can’t change the weather any more than I can change the current world situation. This is more of a stream-of-consciousness journaling about the strange energies I am feeling today.

On one hand, I feel listless and unmotivated. It’s clearly a classic case of ennui. Way back on Day 10 of this experience, I posted about the energy of ennui: HERE.

At the same time as ennui, however, I am also feeling restless and agitated. It’s like oil and water, really. I have the urge to move, to do things, to be productive yet at the same time I have no energy and my entire outlook feels like a living exploration of the word, “Meh.”

I am not going to blame the weather – entirely – but it certainly doesn’t help. Walking outside is neither comfortable nor intelligent on a cold, rainy day like this. I could bundle up, but it would be miserable and I would come home wet and frustrated and cold. Yeah, not a good idea.

The more productive-minded of my friends would certainly say, “Then just exercise! You don’t need a gym for that. Do some yoga, some Pilates. Find an online fitness class.” I thought about that for about ten seconds, but the lack of inertia is far more powerful than the desire to force myself to do something just because I hear somebody else’s voice in my head trying to make me feel guilty for not exercising.

It’s amazing how pervasive and powerful those internal voices can be – those voices that tell me what I should and should not do. Guilt, shame, guilt, shame. It’s an endless cycle of that until I can find a way to shut them up. Today, there are especially insidious. I have projects to do, sure. I have creative things I could dive into that could potentially lift my spirits. Yep. I could clean or vacuum or iron clothes or any of a dozen other home-improvement or home-cleaning tasks. Check.

Am I doing any of them. Ha! Take a guess.

Today’s dose of isolation does not feel particularly sparkling. It’s dull and tired. Still, I have to understand that some days will be like this while others will feel all bright and vivacious. Rather than focus on the cold, gloomy weather perhaps I can remember the words of poet Thomas Carlyle:

Long stormy spring-time, wet contentious April, winter chilling the lap of very May; but at length the season of summer does come.

As I typed that, I realized it’s a metaphor for my life right now.

Summer will come.

It’s only Quarantine if it comes from the Quarante province of France. Otherwise, it’s just Sparkling Isolation.

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Category: Uncategorized, ThoughtsTag: Sparkling Isolation

About Tommy Hensel

Tommy Hensel is the Director of the Fine and Performing Arts Center at Moraine Valley Community College (www.morainevalley.edu/fpac), a position he has held since January 2008. A native of Columbia, South Carolina, he has worked for more than 35 years as a professional actor, singer, stage manager, director, and arts presenter. He holds a B.A. in music and a B.A. in communication from Florida State University and an M.A. in theater from the University of South Carolina. He currently serves as Chair of the Illinois Presenters Network and is a board member of NAPAMA. He served as co-chair of the 2018 Arts Midwest Conference and currently sits on the professional development committees of both NAPAMA and Arts Midwest.

Prior to his move to Chicago, Tommy was an 11-year resident of the Seacoast region of New Hampshire where he served as Executive Director of the Rochester Opera House and sat on several non-profit arts boards. He has served on grant review panels for the New England Foundation for the Arts, New Hampshire Arts Council, Vermont Arts Council, and Illinois Arts Council. During his years as an arts presenter, he has also served on the juried showcase panels for the Arts Midwest Conference and Performing Arts Exchange.

Among his many theater credits, Hensel was the founding artistic director of the Harrisburg Shakespeare Festival (now part of the Gamut Theatre Group in PA). He has over 50 professional directing credits to his name and an extensive resumé as a theatrical performer and cabaret singer. In Chicago, he has a side "gig" as a restaurant reviewer for The Local Tourist website (http://chicago.thelocaltourist.com) and blogs about travel and food at https://www.tableforoneplease.com.

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