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Sparkling Isolation – Day 28

April 14, 2020 //  by Tommy Hensel//  Leave a Comment

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What’s for dinner?

During this whole bizarre situation, I seem to have become obsessed with food. At the beginning, it was a brief bout with food insecurity. On my way home for my first day of quarantine (mid March) I stopped at a grocery store to pick up a few things only to discover empty shelves. Totally empty. It was the strangest experience of my life.

So for a little while, I was freaked out by the idea of not being able to actually find food at all. That did not last long, but things have certainly not moved back to normal in any fashion. After getting over the worst of my initial fears, I find that I think about food all the time.

Although I am trying to eat as healthy as possible, I find that I have defaulted to what is a highly unusual diet for me. I ordinarily avoid starch carbs and avoid eggs and dairy because of minor allergies/intolerances to eggs, wheat, and dairy. Now, however, I seem to have fallen back into old, old eating habits that focus largely on all of these foods I have avoided for so long.

Pasta, bread, eggs, potatoes, rice – all of these things that I would usually avoid – are now major parts of my diet. I think it’s a kind of comfort food craving, but one that is pervasive and not just “once in a while.” People joke about freshmen at college gaining the “freshman 15.” I fear I may end up with the COVID 15 if I’m not more careful.

The oddest part of this food obsession is the disruption in my schedule. I find that I simply don’t want to eat breakfast, so I just have coffee or tea. Then I get ravenously hungry in the late morning so I end up having lunch or brunch or whatever you call is before noon. That means that I also get hungry by the late afternoon, so I have started cooking dinner earlier and earlier – even as early as 4:30 p.m.

Of course, that then means that about 8 p.m. I find myself starving again, and fight a battle with myself about eating too close to bed time. When I lose that battle, what I eat is often carb-heavy and not at all what I should be eating so close to sleep.

To summarize, my eating schedule is totally screwed up and I think about food all the time. Today was a perfect example. A light lunch at 11 a.m., a moderate dinner around 5 p.m., then a ridiculously carb-heavy “snack” at 8 p.m.

I am not quite sure what to do about these odd food dysfunctions. On one hand, I know I am not eating in the healthy manner I would prefer. On the other hand, I need to stop saying “should” and “should not” to myself so often. In my head, I hear, “You should eat three meals each day” and “You should not eat so many carbs” and “You should not eat late at night” and “You should always have a healthy breakfast” and other things like that ad nauseum.

Who says? I guess this is a time for me to identify all of those judgemental voices in my head so that I can begin the process of counteracting them. For the moment, I am just going to be kind to myself and follow my impulses on food. Why eat when I’m not hungry? Why sit around starving just because “it’s not time” to eat?

It all comes back to the concept of being kind to myself. This whole experience of quarantine and isolation is affording me the opportunity to examine so many old habits, patterns, and beliefs – about the world and about myself. This is just another link in that chain. So for now . . .

What’s for dinner?

It’s only Quarantine if it comes from the Quarante province of France. Otherwise, it’s just Sparkling Isolation.

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Category: ThoughtsTag: Sparkling Isolation

About Tommy Hensel

Tommy Hensel is the Director of the Fine and Performing Arts Center at Moraine Valley Community College (www.morainevalley.edu/fpac), a position he has held since January 2008. A native of Columbia, South Carolina, he has worked for more than 35 years as a professional actor, singer, stage manager, director, and arts presenter. He holds a B.A. in music and a B.A. in communication from Florida State University and an M.A. in theater from the University of South Carolina. He currently serves as Chair of the Illinois Presenters Network and is a board member of NAPAMA. He served as co-chair of the 2018 Arts Midwest Conference and currently sits on the professional development committees of both NAPAMA and Arts Midwest.

Prior to his move to Chicago, Tommy was an 11-year resident of the Seacoast region of New Hampshire where he served as Executive Director of the Rochester Opera House and sat on several non-profit arts boards. He has served on grant review panels for the New England Foundation for the Arts, New Hampshire Arts Council, Vermont Arts Council, and Illinois Arts Council. During his years as an arts presenter, he has also served on the juried showcase panels for the Arts Midwest Conference and Performing Arts Exchange.

Among his many theater credits, Hensel was the founding artistic director of the Harrisburg Shakespeare Festival (now part of the Gamut Theatre Group in PA). He has over 50 professional directing credits to his name and an extensive resumé as a theatrical performer and cabaret singer. In Chicago, he has a side "gig" as a restaurant reviewer for The Local Tourist website (http://chicago.thelocaltourist.com) and blogs about travel and food at https://www.tableforoneplease.com.

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