Sparkling Isolation – Day 13

Just another manic Monday.

Well, not precisely manic really. Perhaps it would be more correct to say, “Just another mundane Monday.” If you have been reading my blog posts, you know that yesterday was a bad, bad day for me emotionally. I am tremendously resilient, but I don’t think anyone is resilient enough to just get over a day like that in less than 24 hours. So today I found myself feeling better, but having a difficult time focusing.

I worked remotely again today, and had a surprising amount of email to wade through in the morning. Throughout the day, there were a series of minor things needing my attention and then, about mid-afternoon, a relatively major (and tremendously annoying) issues arose that will now require me to have to fight with HR and Accounting. It’s sad to me that even now, when we are dealing with a deadly pandemic and all having to adjust to working remotely, there are still people at my place of employment who are fixating on minor things as though they have nothing better to do. Perhaps they don’t have anything better to do, now that I think about it.

Still, it sucks that I am now going to have to deal with a stressful situation remotely instead of being able to walk over and sit in someone’s office for an honest, face-to-face conversation. Working in a hierarchical, highly political environment sometimes just sucks the life right out of me and after my bad weekend, that’s the last thing I needed to deal with today.

Still, I have to be grateful that for the moment I am still employed and still receiving my full pay and benefits. It could be much worse.

The legacy of my bad day yesterday showed up mostly today in my sense of restlessness. I finally had to bundle up (it was a bit on the chilly side) and go outside for a long walk. I walked for about an hour all around my neighborhood, returned home to work for a bit, then suddenly was hit with total exhaustion. I took a power nap that lasted for nearly an hour, and I was practically comatose during the nap. It’s like my body just decided to shut down.

I don’t feel very productive at the moment, and it’s becoming increasingly harder and harder for me to stay focused on work. There’s a part of me that just wants to shout out, “Who cares? What’s the point? Why am I even trying?” But I need the paycheck more than I need to be right – so I will just suck it up and keep on being a good employee.

Today was far better than yesterday for me – that’s a good thing. But I know that I have a long way to go to get back to a positive, life-affirming kind of mindset. As I said to a friend online a few minutes ago, “One moment at a time. I can only live in this moment and do the best I can to make this moment as positive as possible.”

Fingers crossed that tomorrow will be better than today. I would love to see a positive trajectory to help me continue crawling out of the pit of negativity I fell into yesterday.

Onward and upward!

It’s only Quarantine if it comes from the Quarante province of France. Otherwise, it’s just Sparkling Isolation.