• Menu
  • Skip to left header navigation
  • Skip to right header navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary navigation
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • Explore Chicago
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

The Local Tourist

Experience the fascination of a tourist; Feel the comfort of the local

  • Travel the U.S.A.
    • The Midwest
      • Illinois
      • Indiana
      • Iowa
      • Kansas
      • Michigan
      • Minnesota
      • Missouri
      • Nebraska
      • South Dakota
      • Wisconsin
    • The South
      • Arkansas
      • Mississippi
      • North Carolina
      • Oklahoma
      • Texas
    • The West
      • Arizona
      • California
      • Colorado
      • Montana
      • Nevada
      • New Mexico
      • Utah
      • Wyoming
  • Travel Tips
    • Travel Now
  • Road Trips
    • Two Lane Gems
  • Cultural Travel
    • Arts and Culture
    • Attractions
    • Food and Drink
    • History
    • People
    • Roadside Attractions
  • Great Outdoors
    • Camping
    • Hiking and Active Travel
    • U.S. National Parks
  • Shop TLT
    • Travel Two Lane Gems
  • Travel the U.S.A.
    • The Midwest
      • Illinois
      • Indiana
      • Iowa
      • Kansas
      • Michigan
      • Minnesota
      • Missouri
      • Nebraska
      • South Dakota
      • Wisconsin
    • The South
      • Arkansas
      • Mississippi
      • North Carolina
      • Oklahoma
      • Texas
    • The West
      • Arizona
      • California
      • Colorado
      • Montana
      • Nevada
      • New Mexico
      • Utah
      • Wyoming
  • Travel Tips
    • Travel Now
  • Road Trips
    • Two Lane Gems
  • Cultural Travel
    • Arts and Culture
    • Attractions
    • Food and Drink
    • History
    • People
    • Roadside Attractions
  • Great Outdoors
    • Camping
    • Hiking and Active Travel
    • U.S. National Parks
  • Shop TLT
    • Travel Two Lane Gems
  • Contact
  • Work with TLT
  • Travel Writing
Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 117

July 14, 2020 //  by Tommy Hensel//  Leave a Comment

5shares

Vengeful cats.

All day yesterday, I felt utterly exhausted. Not just slightly tired – completely out of gas.

There’s really no specific reason for this. I got plenty of sleep and it seemed to be fairly restful sleep. The weather turned slightly cooler, at least for a day, so I wasn’t suffering from heat and humidity. Honestly, I did not eat all that well – that may have contributed – but that cannot be the sole reason.

No – something is definitely wrong here. It’s like my plug suddenly got pulled and my charge has slowly begun to drain away. As I lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling I started to wonder if I was depressed. I truly thought through it and realized that I wasn’t feeling any of the normal symptoms of depression – at least the ones I have experienced before. I wasn’t anxious – quite the opposite. 

I was tired, yet calm. Utterly drained of energy, yet somehow mentally alert. It began to feel like a strange contradiction of energies. 

As I think about it today, some ideas are finally forming. I think everyone has moments in life where they realize that they have been putting up a brave front, pretending to be strong, being a “pillar of strength” for others when in reality they are on the verge of breakdown. The energy of finally crumbling under the exhaustion of pretending for others – that’s something I recognize.

But I haven’t been doing that. If anything, I have been fairly open and transparent with others and I haven’t pretended to be anything. Then it came to me. I have been doing it to myself. Doh!

My inner voices have felt so negative that I have done everything in my power to think more positively. I have journaled, done self-help courses, meditated, and nearly anything possible to reframe my negative thinking. All the while, those voices weren’t repatterned, they were just pushed down by louder and more appealing voices. 

I have made one of the primary mistakes of spiritual development – ignoring the negative and pretending that it is not there. I think about it now like a having a house full of cats. If you ignore them they will be loud at first, then they go through a silent phase as they plot revenge, then they wreak havoc by tearing up the furniture to get your attention.

The Buddhists talk about the “monkey mind” but I now think of it as the “vengeful cat mind.”

Those angry cats finally pulled them plug on my energy to force me to pay attention. I have been putting up a brave front for myself. I have been pretending that I am doing fine, when in reality that is not true. I am decidedly not fine at the moment.

I realize today, after sleeping for twelve hours – yes, I really did sleep for that long – that I need to be more honest with myself about how I am feeling. I will keep working on my spiritual development, but with the knowledge that I need to pay attention to my negative voice, let them speak, give them play so that I can then work to repattern them – not shut them down.

Quarantine should be getting easier – it’s not. It gets harder and harder for me as the days limp by in endless repetition. I can only face things as they come, and today I have to just let myself feel bad when I need to feel bad. There’s nothing wrong with honoring negative emotions.

Now, the trick is, how to repattern them without allowing them to take over again!

It’s only Quarantine if it comes from the Quarante province of France. Otherwise, it’s just Sparkling Isolation.

5shares

Category: ThoughtsTag: Sparkling Isolation

About Tommy Hensel

Tommy Hensel is the Director of the Fine and Performing Arts Center at Moraine Valley Community College (www.morainevalley.edu/fpac), a position he has held since January 2008. A native of Columbia, South Carolina, he has worked for more than 35 years as a professional actor, singer, stage manager, director, and arts presenter. He holds a B.A. in music and a B.A. in communication from Florida State University and an M.A. in theater from the University of South Carolina. He currently serves as Chair of the Illinois Presenters Network and is a board member of NAPAMA. He served as co-chair of the 2018 Arts Midwest Conference and currently sits on the professional development committees of both NAPAMA and Arts Midwest.

Prior to his move to Chicago, Tommy was an 11-year resident of the Seacoast region of New Hampshire where he served as Executive Director of the Rochester Opera House and sat on several non-profit arts boards. He has served on grant review panels for the New England Foundation for the Arts, New Hampshire Arts Council, Vermont Arts Council, and Illinois Arts Council. During his years as an arts presenter, he has also served on the juried showcase panels for the Arts Midwest Conference and Performing Arts Exchange.

Among his many theater credits, Hensel was the founding artistic director of the Harrisburg Shakespeare Festival (now part of the Gamut Theatre Group in PA). He has over 50 professional directing credits to his name and an extensive resumé as a theatrical performer and cabaret singer. In Chicago, he has a side "gig" as a restaurant reviewer for The Local Tourist website (http://chicago.thelocaltourist.com) and blogs about travel and food at https://www.tableforoneplease.com.

Related Stories

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 248

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Days 151 through 247

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Days 144 through 150

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Days 136 through 143

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 135

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 134

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 133

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 132

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 131

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 130

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 129

Tommy Hensel

Sparkling Isolation – Day 128

Previous Post: «Sign marking the beginning of Route 66 An Illinois Road Trip Adventure
Next Post: Sparkling Isolation – Day 118 Tommy Hensel»

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Your Cart

  • Contact
  • Work with TLT
  • Travel Writing

Site Footer

Disclosure

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Privacy Policy

© 2021 · The Local Tourist · Experience the fascination of a tourist; feel the comfort of the local