Independence In Many Forms (Surrender)
"Ladies and gentlemen, as ironic as this may be due to my lifestyle, I'm going to make it official. I think I'm growing up."
I posted this as a status on my Facebook page a couple of weeks ago. The majority of the responses we're "WHAT? NOOOOOO!!!" or "No you're not. You're still a BK [Big Kid,]" or "NO! DON'T!" Where in as I understand where these responses are coming from, I feel it best to note that growing up is misconstrued (not to mention that it is inevitable. At that point, if you become stagnant, it is really just a form of denial.)
Let's try this in a different fashion. Play this forthcoming vision to the tune of U2's "Do You Feel Loved" from their 1997 album "Pop." I see a vision of me in a light brown spring jacket (a la '80s style.) That, dark blue pants, black shoes. Something I wouldn't wear these days. Nonetheless, I am at the end of a hallway. The song starts and I walk towards the other end. As the song progresses, you can hear the riff playing over and over again. However, just like my steps they don't seem to really make progress. In other words, I'm stepping but not getting closer to the end of the hallway. At the end, I see a door in which I want to step through. I really don't know what's on the other side. The answers? Salvation? Truth? No matter. I know that the door is my goal. Regardless, no progress. As the song finally kicks the bass into full gear, my panic grows and I break out into a sprint. Still, no dice. I'm stepping but not closer to the door.
There have been many reasons for my frustration over the years. This lack of "getting closer" has held me back in many ways. The ONLY thing that remained constant in my life was music. I KNEW that this was what I wanted to do with myself. The notes, the melodies, the riffs, lyrics - THIS is in my blood stream. I don't know my parents. My estranged father was a musician. Therefore, the genes speak for themselves. My mother: The Root of all of my psychological problems (there - I said it.) Notwithstanding, if there was ONE good thing that my mother did for me: She raised me on great classic rock music. This has always stayed with me.
Fast forward to the present day: Independence Day 2012. Why did it take so long for me to write another post? I could answer that in a plethora of ways. I'll make it real simple: It wasn't time to do another one. Also, this does not mean that I can and will post regularly. The purpose here at The Local Tourist is to show the best of Chicago and the people there in. How can I offer something if I have nothing to give? You have to restock the well in order to retrieve water.
A LOT of changes has happened to me in the past month. In many ways, it feels like years. Some good, some bad. However, if there's one principle that I stick to: Balance. Life is about balance. For those who have met Theresa Carter, they can (and would) most likely describe her using these terms: Sweet, Bubbly, Charismatic, Charming, Beautiful, Positive. I can attest to this. In the time that I have known her, she has been genuine. Even in our time during the Inaugural Writing The Rails tour where she had "put me in my place" when I got out of line emotionally, she still put me down in a gentle fashion. She has the positive outlook on life down to a science. When it comes to me, however, I have always had trouble with this notion. It was hard to look past the bad things that have happened to me. For years, I have heard to "let go," "forgive and forget," etc. Believe me - I had tried. I had to stumble to get to this point.
Balance: For every good, there is a bad. There is always a flipside. Petar Kecenovici (cellist of my newest project Classical Blast: www.classicalblast.com) told me of this philosophy. Ever since then, it has opened my eyes to a new freedom. In many ways, I have been able to let go. I have been able to accept life on life's terms. Living a life of balance has allowed me to FINALLY enjoy life moment to moment. It has helped me to surrender and to let go of control which was one of the main roots of my evils. Do I struggle with my demons still? Sure. Will they ever go away? I don't think so. What does change, however, is how you react and adapt.
Today, I play with Petar at University of Chicago via Strike at Cancer Foundation. We play for the children of the cancer wards, stem cell wards, etc. This, once again, is a chance for us to give back, to use the healing power of music. THIS is our contribution on this Day of Independence.
Today, I celebrate freedom. Freedom from relationships, freedom from a full-time job (still work part-time at Comfort Suites but on an "On Call" basis since my music career has taken off, once again, by the Grace of the Universe,) freedom from my past, freedom from drama. My mentor told me,
"I adore Drama-Free David Kav."
Frankly, so do I. I will admit that there are times that I still feel awkward that there is nothing wrong, no one to tend to or answer to apart from my music manager, bills or from the hotel in that manner. However, the more I live the life of balance, the more freedom I realize that I have.
With that being stated, it's good to be back. Happy Independence Day, everyone! Thank you to ALL who have served and still serve this beautiful country of ours! I am proud to be a resident of this great Chicagoland area. For those who like my music, whether it be through David Kav, KAVUS or Classical Blast, original (which is still being created and will be released) or cover tunes, I'll continue to serve and please. For that, I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the freedom to be myself.